there have been a lot of changes in my life of late, many of which have not made it into this blog. some have been good changes. some have been more challenging. most, actually, have been more challenging. i'm still struggling to find the good in those changes.
suffice to say, i've been wearing a little thin.
picu has been a whirlwind of sadness and stress. we've had several kids die over the last few weeks, including a little boy i've known almost my entire residency and his entire life and a little girl with a brain tumor whom everyone adored.
in an attempt to de-compress after a stressful night on call and the events of the early afternoon (see previous post), i went for a run. i told my roommate, who was making pizza for dinner, that i probably wouldn't be more than 30 minutes and that was being optimistic.
i was gone for an hour.
the first mile was a little painful. but then the runner's high kicked in and it was like i could suddenly fly.
have you ever felt like you were filled with strength that was not wholly your own? that's how i felt today. it was incredible and i felt, for the first time in a long while, that things are going to be good again. different, but good.
so now i'm sitting at my new kitchen table, eating really good pizza and listening to yo yo ma's cello suites, watching the sun set over the hills across the river, feeling peaceful. it's a nice feeling.