broken heart

i've lost a friend today.

to those who knew him, he was and always will be the bravest, strongest, most courageous of souls.

for those who will never get the chance to meet him, my heart breaks for you that you will never know this boy.

this boy has the most amazing smile. every time i walked into his room he would hear my voice and his whole face would light up. i could have been having the worst, most stressful day and one trip to his room and seeing his sweet little face would erase all the irksome things in this world.

this boy has the most infectious laugh. it was so wonderful to watch him grow up. when i first met him, he was not one for talking. but over the course of my time with him, he learned to coo. the coo eventually became a babble. the babble turned into a laugh. sometimes, i'd be standing outside the room of one of his neighbors and hear a cheerful squeal. i'd poke my head in his doorway and see him in his crib, grabbing his favorite green hippo and laughing to himself.

this boy had good taste in music. early on in his life, someone gave him the soundtrack to curious george. if ever he was fussy or agitated or not feeling well, all you'd have to do is press play on his cd player and listen to the first song, upside down, and he would calm down.
"And as my mind begins to spread it’s wings
There’s no stopping curiosity
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s songs"
i kept telling him that the lyrics were right, that nothing could stop curiosity. that he could change the world with his two pudgy hands.

one afternoon this spring, he was out of sorts. no one could settle him. it was a slow afternoon, so i took him in his room, sat by the window in the rocking chair and held him, rocking him until he fell asleep. he slept for two hours in my arms, rocking back and forth. every once and a while, he would let out one of those quivering breaths and then settle somehow deeper in my arms, his pudgy little hand resting over my heart. it was the most peaceful i've ever seen him. i'll always remember him that way, snuggled in the crook of my arm, watching his eyes flutter beneath the sleepy lids, dreaming some wonderful dream where he could do anything...even pee his name in the snow.

this boy came into my life for a reason. his life has been too short, but it has been full of every happiness we could give him. of that, i think we should be proud. i will always count myself lucky for knowing him. i will always wish i had more time with him. but i also am thankful that he will not suffer any more, that he won't have to endure any more hardship or pain. he has suffered enough. if there is a heaven, he is there, watching over us as we watched over him.

"...and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."